So there have been numerous posts heralding/ announcing/ bemoaning, what ever it might be, the start of the month of JUNE!
And believe me, I am right with them. June is IVF Round 6 month, well we hope! (I’ll update about that!), so JUNE has become the beacon of light in a long 3 month tunnel since our last round back in February. But it’s weird isn’t it? This absolute obsession/ fascination with TIME that encircles this whole damn process.
I’m constantly wishing it away, and then wishing it back again! Wishing that the weeks would go by so we can do another cycle, and then wishing that time wasn’t going so quickly! As that only means I’m getting older and with that brings a whole myriad of fears, hopes, desires. There’s never “a good time” for anything it would appear.
I know that what we should all be doing is “ being present” (as someone I know is always reminding us, Alice Rose I’m talking about you;), and most of the TIME I can definitely do that, but there is always a struggle if we are really honest. I guess it’s mostly because I feel that TIME is my nemesis right now. It was my friend when I was young, carefree, ambitious and wanting to take on the world, or definitely SEE it! Now, when I have finally found the love of my life, when I have a really good life and I appreciate all the good things I have in it, it’s like a having a shit friend who constantly lets you down and doesn’t remember to tell you they aren’t coming or that they moved a thing and didn’t tell you! When did that happen? Oh yeah, when TIME snuck up on you and then waved as they swept past!
I was inspired to write a blog post, because I had a lovely DM conversation with someone on Insta who really complimented my writing, which obviously I was chuffed about, and I explained that I had lost my mojo a bit, and she said I should stick at it and various other niceties that I’m embarrassed to repeat. (What is it with us English and compliments?! But that’s a whole other post!)
So here I am and I’m so thankful, as it’s given me the kick up the arse I need… ABOUT TIME:)
It’s good because I was starting to feel like a bit of a fraud. I never set out or stated that my blog posts would be a regular thing, I didn’t set out to write one every week, or every two weeks, or whatever the “blogging” norm is. It was more that I would write about something when I had something to say. I’m not sure my day to day life is something people want to endure hearing about, and anyway that’s what insta stories are for surely?! haha
I constantly bang on about the fact that I love writing and it’s my outlet in this process, but I haven’t been bloody writing anything at all! I keep having ideas about what to write, and then TIME comes along and bats all those ideas into submission! Haha! Either the “timing” of that particular thought has come and gone ie topical! or literally the week has passed and I think I don’t really fancy writing about that at the moment. Or the other conundrum I have is there almost so MUCH to write about, it’s like where do I start?! This I know should be broken down, I should write a list and then just go through the topics systematically until they are all covered, I know this because I’m a rational human being, but I don’t do it! Also because usually IT IS something topical, and something that needs to be discussed there and then, and more often that not, there just isn’t TIME to respond with my usual diatribe!
I think there is an argument around whether blogs per se are the right forum right now? I don’t know, are they? Or would it be better to just post more on instagram? Problem with that is that I don’t think people necessarily want to hear/ read/ consume long old bits of blurb on a post regularly… now and again maybe, but not every time they scroll. They’d be like “oh god she’s at it again!” and scroll on by. I realise that this shouldn’t worry me, and it doesn’t, hence why I’m not that obsessed about writing on the blog. I’ve realised it was April since I last posted something. But I like writing stuff, because it’s what I feel and I know that someone out there will feel the same, and that’s a good thing, because all I wanted to do when I started writing was make sure that people didn’t feel alone.
I write stuff when I want to, for me, but I also realise that by doing so, I do offer a bit of solace/ humour/ distraction to those that read them… so thank you for giving me back the inspiration.
TIME is a funny old friend but one that I think/ hopes/ wants, to be on my side at the moment! Come on TIME, don’t let me down “THIS TIME”!!